Michael

This is a transcript of Matthew Dicks’s story, Nathan and the Pledge, at a Moth StorySLAM at Housing Works in NYC. You can watch Matthew telling the story here:

The phone rings, and when I pick it up, there’s a man on the other end. He’s angry. He’s a parent, the father of one of my fifth graders, and he’s pissed. I know this guy; I taught his daughter a couple of years ago, so he’s not the kind of man who flies off the handle. What he’s saying is real, and as I listen to what he tells me has happened to his son on this day, he doesn’t realize that he’s sort of opening up my heart and exposing a wound that I’ve been trying to bury for a very long time.

I first learned about the Pledge of Allegiance—the truth of it—back in Boy Scout camp. A counselor teaching the citizenship merit badge explained to us that the words “under God” were placed into the pledge later than it was originally formulated in 1954. The Knights of Columbus stuck “God” in, hoping to bring religion to America. As a 15-year-old boy and an atheist, I was pissed when I discovered this. I was that kind of atheist who walks around and tells religious people how stupid they are, how their magic [expletive] is just [expletive], and they should believe everything that I believe.

So it really hit me hard, and I asked the counselor, “Isn’t that a violation of my First Amendment?” He was only like 18 or 19, but he said, “Well, you don’t have to say the Pledge.” I thought, “You’re right. I’m never saying the Pledge of Allegiance again.”

And so I had a chance to take my stand that night. At the dining hall, we say the Pledge of Allegiance before dinner, and I decide I’m not going to say it. The scoutmaster comes to the front, taps on the microphone, and says, “Please rise,” and everyone rises except for me. For like two seconds, I’ll tell myself later that I rose because all the penises were eye level when they stood up, and it made me unsettled. That wasn’t really true. I stood because I was afraid not to stand.

And that was strange for me because I’m a person who tries to aggressively do what other people don’t do. I grew up just outside of Boston, and I decided as a kid to be a New York Yankees fan just to spite the people around me. You cannot imagine how hard it is to be in Boston and be a New York Yankees fan. I was a kid who, in middle school, taught himself to read books upside down just to piss off teachers. I’m the special breed of [expletive] who will spend hours and hours of effort to get 30 seconds of irritation with someone later on in life. In high school, I used to eat potatoes like apples just because I knew it made people unsettled to be around me.

So I should be able to not pledge as a Boy Scout at 15 years old, but I can’t, because I’m afraid they’re going to think I don’t love my country. And I do. I really do love where I am. But I want to say this thing that I believe, and I can’t. I go through the rest of my high school years pledging the allegiance, and every time it makes me crazy. When you graduate from high school, you tend not to have to say the Pledge anymore—until you become an elementary school teacher, which I did in 1999. And now I have to pledge every damn day.

Every time I pledge with these kids, I think about how I don’t want to pledge, but I don’t want anyone to think I’m not a patriot. So I go through 15 years of pledging every day with kids, until I meet Nathan. Nathan is a kid who was like me as a kid. He doesn’t give a [expletive] about what people think. My girls decide that Tuesdays are “Tutu Tuesdays”—they wear their tutus on Tuesdays. Three weeks in, Nathan starts wearing tutus for the rest of the year. I know he got shit for it, but he did it the whole way through.

Nathan’s the first person I’ve ever met who doesn’t pledge the flag. He sits in the way I wish I could. When I ask him on the first day why he’s sitting, he says, “I’m not allowed to vote, so until they let me vote, I’m not going to pledge allegiance to this country.” Amazing.

So I watch Nathan sit all year long until the day his father calls me, yelling at me. I was absent—I was at professional development, changing my life, I’m sure, in some significant way—and while I was gone, the substitute teacher forced Nathan to stand up and pledge. His father’s angry, Nathan’s angry, and I’m angry, because now I feel like I’ve let this kid down. I should have been sitting with him all along.

I go to school the next day, and first thing, I sit him down at my desk. I say, “Nathan, listen, I’m sorry that happened to you. I apologize to you on behalf of the teacher who’s not here, and I thank you for not creating a problem like agreeing to pledge rather than disrupting the classroom. Thank you for what you’ve done.” He listens. He’s a good kid, and he gets it.

Then the intercom comes on, and the principal says, “Please rise for the pledge.” I stand, and Nathan sits, as I expect. But as I stand, I look over Nathan’s head, and not a single kid in my class is standing for the pledge. And it’s not because they’re protesting the pledge. It’s because they’re protesting what happened to Nathan the day before—the indignity.

For the first time in my life, I sit back down, and I don’t pledge allegiance. For the rest of that school year, none of us in that class pledge allegiance, which is really awkward sometimes because a teacher or even the principal will be in the room when the pledge starts. They will stand and see the class—and me—just sitting respectfully, waiting for it to be done. I know the principal is thinking, “What the hell is going on in this classroom?” I know my colleagues are sometimes wondering, “What the hell is Matt doing to these kids? Why is he creating this band of rebels?”

But what I would tell them if they actually brought those words to me? I would say I didn’t do anything to these kids. It’s what they did to me. They gave me the courage to do something that I wanted to do as a 15-year-old boy, a 20-year-old man, and a 30-year-old man. It wasn’t until I met Nathan Usman at the age of 41 that I found the courage—through Nathan—to do the thing I wanted to do.

Nathan taught me that sometimes you can stand up for your country by sitting down.

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Disclaimer: this transcript is a product of Youtube-auto-generated transcript and simple ChatGPT cleaning, and I do not own any intellectual property in any shape or form mentioned. The content on this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. While every effort is made to provide accurate and up-to-date information, I make no guarantees about the completeness, accuracy, or reliability of any content. Any actions taken based on the information provided here are done solely at your own risk. I am not liable for any losses, damages, or consequences arising from your use of this blog or its content. Please consult with a qualified professional before making any significant decisions.

This is a transcript of Matthew Dicks’s story, Cold, Hard Lessons Learned, at a Seattle Moth StorySLAM. You can watch Matthew telling the story here:

Staring at my children, Clara and Charlie, and I’m screaming at them. I am hollering at the top of my lungs. I am so angry at them. Clara is a 10-year-old militant feminist who comes down in the morning and asks me questions like, “Do you know who Madame CJ Walker is?” And if I don’t know, I catch hell. But she’s also a kid who can walk into her room and jump over a mountain of wet towels like they don’t exist. She’s a monster.

Charlie is seven, and he’s funny. He’s legitimately hilarious—10 percent of his jokes make me laugh, and that’s a good percentage for a seven-year-old comedian. But Charlie is in love with my wife, his mother, and he proposes to her daily. Just a couple weeks ago, he told my wife, “I have a girlfriend,” in an attempt to drive a wedge between us. I do not have a girlfriend, so I don’t trust Charlie anymore.

And so I’m yelling at them for this transgression they are committing, and I can’t believe it. But really, the reason I’m yelling at them in this particular way is because of forty boys at a camp, a YMCA camp, ten years earlier. It’s 2009, and I’m at a YMCA camp in Connecticut. I’m a fifth-grade teacher, and we take all of our children there every year. It’s normally a fall trip, but a hurricane that turned into some wind canceled the trip, so we had to go in the winter. There’s 12 feet of snow, and it’s negative three degrees.

I’ve been in a cabin for two days with 40 boys, and they are killing me. I spend every day saying, “Would you act like a fifth grader?” When in my head, I’m thinking, “You’re acting exactly like a fifth grader, and that is the problem.” These are boys who leap off bunks to try to break as many bones as possible. These are boys who emit fluids from every orifice in an attempt to make each other laugh, and they won’t sleep. It’s been two days, and they will not sleep. I’m with 40 boys and two men in the cabin.

On the other side of the pond, my pregnant wife, who’s also a teacher, is with 40 girls, but there are 17 women doing braiding and beating and kumbaya, and I’m stuck with one guy and 40 boys. The guy I have is named Paul. And Paul is, if someone made someone who was the opposite of me, that is Paul. He is a vegan from California, and he’s got the Grateful Dead concert just playing in his head all the time. He once asked me if my pants were made from organic cotton, and it took me two days to stop laughing at that question. All he does is chill while all these boys make me crazy.

I can’t take it anymore, so I tell them, “You’re going to have s’mores, and then you’re going to go to bed.” I try to bribe them with food, which always works, but the equation here is wrong because what you normally do is get kids to do something, and then you feed them. But I can’t get them to go to sleep and then jam s’mores into their mouths, so I have to take their word that they will sleep, which is a mistake. These fifth graders are liars.

So I feed them the s’mores, and they don’t go to bed. I get so angry, I stand up on a coffee table and I say, “Go to bed! Go into that room, close the door, and I don’t want to see you till morning.” And they do. They all run in this common room where Paul and I are sleeping, and it’s finally quiet. We go to bed.

In the morning, I wake up, and I’m so hot I think the cabin is on fire. I’m on the top bunk, so I call down to Paul, “Are you hot?” He goes, “Oh my God, man, it’s so hot.” And then I hear the knocking on the door where the boys are sleeping. I say, “What?” The door opens, and a boy pokes his head in and he starts to speak. I will never forget what I see. I see his breath, and then I notice the winter cap he has on and the mittens as he’s talking. I can see his breath, and he says something, and I can see he’s shivering.

I say, “Yes, come in. What is your problem?” And he opens the door, and a blast of frigid air hits me. I say, “Jesus, what are you doing?” I think they broke in the window. He’s dressed in all of his winter gear. I later find out he has all of his clothes on. Every single thing he has on, and a trail of boys—all wearing all of their winter gear—start coming into this common room, and they’re all shivering and white.

I’ll find out later, they didn’t sleep at all. They got out of their bunks in the middle of the night, they made a pile of boys in the middle of the room, and cuddled all night long to stay warm. I look and realize what I’ve done. The heat source for this room, which is a fall cabin, comes out of our room and goes into their room. So when I forced them to close the door, I cut them off from heat. In the middle of the night, they froze.

So I stop the fire, and I try to follow them out as quickly as I can. That morning, I meet with my colleagues, and a female teacher says, “You know, I heard what happened to the boys last night. They sure learned their lesson. They’re never gonna do that to you again.” And my thought is immediately that that’s the convenient answer. That’s the simple way of looking at it. But what really happened was, I frightened a bunch of boys who were far away from home. In the middle of the night, when they were very cold, they didn’t have anyone to turn to, and they should have been able to ask me for help.

And that’s why I’m screaming at my own children right now. Because I told them to take their bathing suits off while I packed the car, and they didn’t. They’re on the picnic table in their bathing suits. So I’m in my car with the doors closed, and I’m screaming at them because that’s how I yell at my kids. I go far away from them, and then I yell at them so they can’t hear me. Every parent has to scream at their children, but they don’t have to do it in the children’s presence.

So truthfully, I’ve never raised my voice to my kids, not because I’m a good person or I’m a great parent, but because forty boys who froze one night in a cabin in Connecticut taught me that we should discipline kids, but we should not frighten them while we’re doing it.

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} #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedContent ol ol ol, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-successBody .ml-form-successContent ol ol ol { list-style-type: lower-roman; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedContent p a, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-successBody .ml-form-successContent p a { color: #000000; text-decoration: underline; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-block-form .ml-field-group { text-align: left!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-block-form .ml-field-group label { margin-bottom: 5px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; font-family: ‘Open Sans’, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none;; display: inline-block; line-height: 20px; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedContent p:last-child, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-successBody .ml-form-successContent p:last-child { margin: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody form { margin: 0; width: 100%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-formContent, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow { margin: 0 0 20px 0; width: 100%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow { float: left; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm { margin: 0; padding: 0 0 20px 0; width: 100%; height: auto; float: left; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow { margin: 0 0 10px 0; width: 100%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow.ml-last-item { margin: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow.ml-formfieldHorizintal { margin: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input { background-color: #ffffff !important; color: #333333 !important; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px !important; border-style: solid !important; border-width: 1px !important; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px !important; height: auto; line-height: 21px !important; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; margin-left: 0; margin-right: 0; padding: 10px 10px !important; width: 100% !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; max-width: 100% !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input::-webkit-input-placeholder, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input::-webkit-input-placeholder { color: #333333; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input::-moz-placeholder, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input::-moz-placeholder { color: #333333; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input:-ms-input-placeholder, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input:-ms-input-placeholder { color: #333333; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input:-moz-placeholder, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input:-moz-placeholder { color: #333333; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow textarea, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow textarea { background-color: #ffffff !important; color: #333333 !important; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px !important; border-style: solid !important; border-width: 1px !important; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px !important; height: auto; line-height: 21px !important; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; padding: 10px 10px !important; width: 100% !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; max-width: 100% !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before { border-color: #cccccc!important; background-color: #ffffff!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow input.custom-control-input[type=”checkbox”]{ box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0; position: absolute; z-index: -1; opacity: 0; margin-top: 5px; margin-left: -1.5rem; overflow: visible; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before { border-radius: 4px!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::after { background-image: url(“data:image/svg+xml,%3csvg xmlns=’http://www.w3.org/2000/svg’ viewBox=’0 0 8 8’%3e%3cpath fill=’%23fff’ d=’M6.564.75l-3.59 3.612-1.538-1.55L0 4.26 2.974 7.25 8 2.193z’/%3e%3c/svg%3e”); } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::after { background-image: url(“data:image/svg+xml,%3csvg xmlns=’http://www.w3.org/2000/svg’ viewBox=’-4 -4 8 8’%3e%3ccircle r=’3′ fill=’%23fff’/%3e%3c/svg%3e”); } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input:checked~.custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow input[type=checkbox]:checked~.label-description::before { border-color: #000000!important; background-color: #000000!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after { top: 2px; box-sizing: border-box; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; position: absolute; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-control-label::before { position: absolute; top: 4px; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 16px; height: 16px; pointer-events: none; content: “”; background-color: #ffffff; border: #adb5bd solid 1px; border-radius: 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-control-label::after { position: absolute; top: 2px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before { position: absolute; top: 4px; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 16px; height: 16px; pointer-events: none; content: “”; background-color: #ffffff; border: #adb5bd solid 1px; border-radius: 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after { position: absolute; top: 0px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { position: absolute; top: 0px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after { background: no-repeat 50%/50% 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { background: no-repeat 50%/50% 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-control, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-control { position: relative; display: block; min-height: 1.5rem; padding-left: 1.5rem; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input { position: absolute; z-index: -1; opacity: 0; box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label { color: #000000; font-size: 12px!important; font-family: ‘Open Sans’, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 0; position: relative; vertical-align: top; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-select, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-select { background-color: #ffffff !important; color: #333333 !important; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px !important; border-style: solid !important; border-width: 1px !important; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px !important; line-height: 20px !important; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; padding: 10px 28px 10px 12px !important; width: 100% !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; max-width: 100% !important; height: auto; display: inline-block; vertical-align: middle; background: url(‘https://assets.mlcdn.com/ml/images/default/dropdown.svg’) no-repeat right .75rem center/8px 10px; -webkit-appearance: none; -moz-appearance: none; appearance: none; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow { height: auto; width: 100%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal { width: 70%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-button-horizontal { width: 30%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-button-horizontal.labelsOn { padding-top: 25px; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .horizontal-fields { box-sizing: border-box; float: left; padding-right: 10px; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input { background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; 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This is a transcript of Matthew Dicks’s story, Sleepwalking Thru Kaleigh’s Surgery, at a Boston Moth StorySLAM. You can watch Matthew telling the story here:

I’m standing in my classroom, about half an hour before the school day starts, when my phone rings. I answer it, and a woman on the other end tells me that she has good news. My dog has survived the first surgery, and they’re getting ready for the second one. I tell her, “No, you’ve called the wrong person. My dog is at the hospital, but she’s just constipated and being watched in case she explodes in some horrible way.”

The woman apologizes and says, “Could you hold for a moment?” She clicks off, and as I wait, I think about how someone in the world is waiting to hear if their dog survived surgery. I just can’t imagine it. My dog’s name is Kaylee, she’s a white Lhasa Apso, and she’s my best friend. I can’t imagine getting that phone call.

The woman clicks back on, but it’s not her anymore. A man’s voice says, “Mr. Dicks, my name is Dr. Lindgren. I just did spinal surgery on your dog, and I’m about to begin a second surgery.” I’m confused and respond, “That’s not possible.” He says, “Last night, I called you at 2:00 AM and told you your dog wasn’t constipated. She had a spinal rupture, and you agreed to the surgery.”

Instantly, I know exactly what has happened. I ask, “Can I call you back in a minute?” He responds, “No, I need to do surgery on your dog right now or she’ll die.” He gives me a number to call, and I hang up.

I run out of my classroom, up the hallway, and into my wife’s classroom. I didn’t see her this morning because she sleeps in and I leave early. She’s walking in, hands full of bags, and she sees me and asks, “How’s Kaylee?” I say, “You know, she had surgery,” and she replies, “Yes, you don’t know?” Now I know for sure I’ve been sleepwalking my entire life.

When people talk about sleepwalking, they usually think of people wandering around the house, banging into walls. But that’s not what it’s like. I compare it to having two operating systems in my head. One is running right now, allowing me to tell this story, but the second one comes online about once a month. It does everything this first system does, except it doesn’t talk to the other one. So when I sleepwalk, I have no memory of what I’ve done.

When I was a kid, I would wander down a couple of hours after going to bed and sit with my parents, watching the Celtics. They’d ask, “So what girl do you like now, Matt?” And I’d say, “Melissa’s our it.” Then in the morning, they’d ask, “Who’s Melissa’s our it?” and I’d have no idea what they were talking about. When I was in Boy Scouts, the Scoutmaster had to tie my ankle to a tree because otherwise, I’d wander out of the tent and just walk into the woods until I tripped on a root. I’d wake up, have no idea where I was, and sit at the base of a tree until everyone woke up and I figured out where camp was.

Nowadays, when I sleepwalk, I mostly eat cereal at night. I only know this because I come downstairs in the morning and find half-eaten bowls of Cheerios, sometimes with a book open next to them, as if I was reading but have no recollection of it.

Last year, I signed three book contracts, which meant I had to write three books in a year. It was the worst decision I’ve ever made. There was an enormous amount of stress on me. One morning, I came downstairs and found my laptop open with 500 words written for the book I was working on. They weren’t the 500 words that matched up with what I’d been writing the night before. It was 500 words for the next chapter, but they were still the same words that exist in the book today.

My wife knows this about me. We’ve had long conversations in the middle of the night that I have no recollection of, and they strike fear into my heart in ways you can’t imagine. She says, “You were sleepwalking,” and I say, “I guess.” She says, “We turned on the lights, we talked about it for an hour,” and then she tells me that the doctor said Kaylee needed surgery, with a 50% chance of surviving the first one. She needed a second surgery to stabilize her spine, with another 50% chance of survival. Even if she survived both surgeries, she’d probably end up in a doggy wheelchair, and we’d have to catheter her and give her a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. The surgery cost $8,000. I say, “We agreed to all of that,” and she says, “Yes.”

And suddenly, I fall more in love with my wife than I ever have, because that dog is mine first. She’s not easy, and the fact that my wife agreed to all of that—I can’t believe it.

Later, while I’m teaching my students, I get a call. It’s the doctor, and he says, “She survived the surgery.” I ask, “Is she going to walk?” and he says, “I don’t think so.”

Three days later, I bring Kaylee home. She’s a mess—shaven, falling apart. The worst part is, she looks at me, and she doesn’t know why this has happened to her. I can’t tell her, and it breaks my heart. We’re sitting there watching TV that first night. She’s on a towel, asleep, and I see her wake up and look at me. She gets up on her feet and walks toward me.

I call the doctor and say, “She’s walking!” He says, “That’s impossible. She can’t do that right now.” I say, “I know, but she is.”

Kaylee passed away last summer. She lived for 18 years, and they were the 18 best years of my life. She was my best friend. When people ask me, “If you had been awake, would you have made the same decision?” I understand why they ask, because it was a lot of money for a very little chance of survival. But I always say the same thing: “Yes, I would have made the same decision. I would have made it in my sleep.”

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Disclaimer: this transcript is a product of Youtube-auto-generated transcript and simple ChatGPT cleaning, and I do not own any intellectual property in any shape or form mentioned. The content on this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. While every effort is made to provide accurate and up-to-date information, I make no guarantees about the completeness, accuracy, or reliability of any content. Any actions taken based on the information provided here are done solely at your own risk. I am not liable for any losses, damages, or consequences arising from your use of this blog or its content. Please consult with a qualified professional before making any significant decisions.

This is a transcript of Matthew Dicks’s story, Charity Thief, at a Boston Moth StorySLAM.

It’s the fall of 1991. I’m twenty years old. I’m driving down a lonely stretch of New Hampshire highway. I’m driving home from the very first booty call of my entire life, and I’m excited because I don’t know that this is also going to be the very last booty call of my entire life.

It’s in this moment of excitement that the right front tire of my 1976 Chevy Malibu blows out, but it doesn’t just deflate. It disintegrates. It throws rubber and wire across the road in a way I didn’t think was possible, and it takes everything I have to get the car over to the shoulder and to a stop.

And it’s 1991. I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t have a spare tire. I haven’t seen a car on this stretch of road for a long time. So I do the only thing I can think of doing: I start hiking back up the road to search for help.

Seven hours later, after having given all my money to a half-naked mountain man named Winston in exchange for a balding spare tire, I’m back on the road, heading home, a hundred miles between me and my apartment in Attleboro, Massachusetts, when I look at the instrument panel and see that I have no gas.

All the money I had — every penny to my name — is in the hands of a half-naked mountain man. I don’t have a credit card. I don’t have an ATM card. I don’t even have a checking account.

So I take the next exit and roll my car into a Citgo station, and as I park the car on the edge of the lot, facing a field of fall foliage, I grip the steering wheel in anger. I’m angry, but I’m also sad. I’m twenty years old. I’m a McDonald’s manager. I make $7.25 an hour, and I am the richest person I know. My mother is living on welfare with my pregnant teenage sister. My brother joined the army a year ago, and I haven’t heard from him since. My father disappeared from my life ten years ago. The only person I know who can help me, who even has a credit card or a car that can make this hundred-mile trip to New Hampshire, is my friend Bengi, and he is off on some college weekend. I can’t get in touch with him, because in 1991, when you want to call someone, you need to make a phone ring on a wall, and you need to make that phone ring at the moment the person you want to speak to is near that phone, and you need the number for the phone to make it ring, and all of that is impossible for me to get.

This was not the plan for my life. I’m sitting behind the wheel, staring into a field of bright colors, yet I feel anything but bright. I was not supposed to be this alone this early in my life. You’re not supposed to be twenty years old and have absolutely no one in your life to call for help. As I sit there in my car, staring into that field of orange and yellow, I see my future ahead of me. An endless series of moments just like this one, when I need help but will have none.

So I make a plan. I’m going to beg for gas, because it’s 1991. Gas is eighty-five cents a gallon, so eight dollars is all I need to get me home. I’ll offer my license, my wallet, everything in my car as collateral in exchange for eight dollars’ worth of gas and the promise that I will return and repay the money and more. Whatever it takes.

So I rehearse my pitch, take a deep breath, and walk in. There’s a kid behind the counter, probably about my age. I tell him my problem. I ask him to help. I make my offer. The kid refuses. He doesn’t want to risk his job.

So I leave. I go back to my car. My plan is simple. I’m going to wait for this kid to go home. Wait for the next person to come on duty, and while I wait, I’ll refine my pitch. I’ll beg again. I’ll beg until someone, anyone, gives me some money for gas. But as I climb back into the car, I see my crumpled McDonald’s uniform on the backseat, and I suddenly have an idea.

An hour later, I’m standing on the porch of a small, red-brick house on a quiet residential street. I’m knocking on a blue door.

I’m wearing my McDonald’s manager’s uniform. Blue shirt. Blue pants. Blue tie. Gold name badge. I’m holding a gray McDonald’s briefcase with a big M engraved on the front like a shield.

I knock on that blue door again.

When the door opens, a man is standing in front of me. He looks about fifty, but he might as well be five hundred. He’s one of these guys who looks as if he has all the wisdom of the world wrapped up in him, and in that moment, I know that he knows that I’m about to do something terrible.

And I agree. This is a terrible idea. I know this now.

But it’s two o’clock on a Sunday afternoon. I’m standing on his porch in a McDonald’s uniform. It’s one of those moments when you realize that the only way to get out of a terrible situation is to go through with it. So I take another deep breath and say, “Hi, I’m Matt, and I’m collecting money for Ronald McDonald Children’s Charities.”

The man doesn’t move. He doesn’t say a word. He’s like Stonehenge. Frozen in time and forever waiting for this moment. Waiting for me to arrive.

The next words that come out of my mouth surprise me as much as they surprise him, because they are completely unplanned. “My mom died of cancer when I was a little boy, and now my sister is dying of cancer, and I’m just trying to do whatever I can to help.”

The man finally moves. He points his finger at me and says, “You stay right there.” Then he walks back into his house, and I know what he’s doing. He’s calling the police, and they will come and arrest me for stealing money from McDonald’s (which will actually happen two years later, but not on this day). On this day, he returns to the door with a twenty-dollar bill in his hand, which is like $20,000 to me on this day. As I raise my hand to say, “No, it’s too much,” he says, “No. My wife, Lisa, died of cancer five years ago.”

Now it’s my turn to freeze.

He keeps talking. He tells me about her cancer. Her death. He tells me that his two kids came back from California for the funeral, but he hasn’t seen them since that day. He says that the last two years of Lisa’s life were hard, but it was the very last year that he regrets the most. He tells me how hard his wife fought to stay alive, and he wishes now that he could have told her that it was okay to go, but he loved her too much to say the words.

Before I realize what is happening, I’m sitting on the porch with this man as he spills his guts to me, and in that moment, I know that I am, without a doubt, the single worst person on the face of the earth.

The man talks to me for twenty minutes about his wife and his children, and when he’s done, he hugs me as if he hasn’t hugged a person in five years. Then he presses the twenty-dollar bill into my hand. It feels like poison now.

I say good-bye. I walk down the stone path, up the street, and back to the gas station. I use his money to put gas in my car, and I hit the road, once again heading in the direction of home. And as I pull onto the highway, I remember the last time I was sitting behind this wheel, just an hour or so ago, feeling lonely, worried that I would be alone for the rest of my life. Now I know how stupid I was, because tonight I’ll sit with my friends in the living room and eat pizza, drink beer, and watch The Simpsons.

But that man — he will be alone tonight behind that blue door. He’ll be alone tonight and tomorrow night and probably for many, many more nights. I leave New Hampshire knowing that I know nothing about loneliness, but also knowing that I never want to know about loneliness the way that man understood it that day and will probably understand it for many, many days thereafter.

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Disclaimer: this transcript is a product of Youtube-auto-generated transcript and simple ChatGPT cleaning, and I do not own any intellectual property in any shape or form mentioned. The content on this blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered professional advice. While every effort is made to provide accurate and up-to-date information, I make no guarantees about the completeness, accuracy, or reliability of any content. Any actions taken based on the information provided here are done solely at your own risk. I am not liable for any losses, damages, or consequences arising from your use of this blog or its content. Please consult with a qualified professional before making any significant decisions.

This is a transcript of Matthew Dicks’s story, This is going to suck, at a Pittsburgh Moth event. You can watch Matthew telling the story here:

It’s December 23, 1988. I’m seventeen years old. I’m coming out of a record store. As I hit the sidewalk, my friend Pat sees me. He asks me what’s in the shopping bag I’m holding. I tell him it’s a concert T-shirt. It’s a Christmas present for Bengi, our friend, and my best friend. A surprise Christmas present.

Pat looks at me a little funny. He’s only fourteen, but he’s already cooler than I will ever be in my entire life. So when he looks at me like that, I always pay attention. Pat tells me that guys don’t buy Christmas presents for other guys. Especially surprise Christmas presents. He tells me that he’s had girlfriends for six months and never bought them a thing. So for me to buy Bengi a Christmas present is a little odd.

I’m suddenly feeling very self-conscious about the betta fish in the backseat of my car — the one that I bought at the pet store for Pat an hour ago — and the comic books for Coog, and the sweatshirt for Tom, and all the presents I bought for my friends on this day. I know that Pat is right. It’s strange that I’ve done this, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had a good Christmas, and I want this one to be special.

The combination of my unending childhood poverty, my absentee mother and my evil stepfather, and their now failing marriage, has made every Christmas for years a misery. But for the first time in my life, I have money in my pocket. I’m a manager at McDonald’s making $5.75 an hour. I’m working full-time while I’m in high school, and I am the richest person I know. I am going to use this money to buy myself a great Christmas.

I’m heading home now. I need to get my uniform, because I have a shift at McDonald’s later and I need to get these presents into the house. I need to get the betta fish out of the cold. It’s starting to snow out. It’s kind of lovely. I’m driving my mother’s 1976 Datsun B210, a car about the size of a box of Pop-Tarts, through the town of Mendon, Massachusetts. The lawns of each home are turning white. It’s the first snowfall of the year. As I drive by each house, it’s as if I’m passing a picture postcard of Christmas. I feel this might be a good Christmas after all.

I’m coming around a corner and I’m heading down a hill when my car starts sliding to the opposite lane on the snowy road. I look up, and I see a white Mercedes-Benz coming right at me.

They say that in moments like this, time will slow down or even freeze, and it is absolutely true. In the three seconds it takes before our two cars hit head-on, I have exactly three thoughts.

The first is: I’m not wearing my seat belt. I always wear my seat belt, but in the excitement of buying Christmas presents and the rush to get home, I’ve forgotten to put it on, on the worst day of my life to forget.

My second thought is: in moments like this, I’ve been told to steer into the skid, but it occurs to me now that I don’t know what the hell that really means. (I still don’t know to this day.)

My third thought is just one sentence, it’s five words long, and I say it aloud: “This is going to suck.”

And it does. When our cars collide, I’m thrown forward, and my head crashes through the windshield. My chin catches the steering wheel on the way, and the entire bottom row of my teeth comes flying out and into the back of my mouth in one large chunk. At the same moment, my legs come forward, and my right leg becomes embedded down to the bone in the air- conditioning unit. My left leg hits the emergency release brake, knocking the handle off and skewering my left leg. My chest crashes into the steering wheel, breaking ribs and knocking all the air from my lungs. It’s all over in a second. Then shock descends upon me, and I feel no pain or fear.

I climb out of the car. I’m sort of crumpled next to the car, half standing, half crouching, when I see the woman in the Mercedes get out. She’s completely unharmed. Her seat belt and the size of her car have protected her completely. Then she sees me, vomits, and passes out.

The first to arrive at the scene is a pickup truck full of teenagers. A kid about my age gets to me first. He lies me down in the mud and the snow on the side of the road. He gives me a look over, and then he crouches close to my ear and whispers, “Dude, you’re fucked.”

It is the most accurate medical assessment that I will receive that day.

A police officer arrives and puts a coat on me to keep me warm. I’ve got broken ribs, so it feels like a thousand pounds. I’m looking up at a white sky, and the snow is really starting to fall now, so I close my eyes.

When I open my eyes again, I’m in an ambulance. A young woman is straddling my hips and she is pounding on my chest, which is now on fire. There’s a man trying to shove a clear tube down my throat, and the woman starts screaming, “He’s back! He’s back!” And I’m wondering, “Who the hell is back?”

It’s me. I’m back. I’ll find out later that my heart stopped beating and I stopped breathing for about a minute.

No white light.

Now I’m in the emergency room, and the doctors get to work on me right away. They’re picking out glass from my forehead with tweezers.

They’re getting my legs ready for surgery. Dental surgeons wire that chunk of teeth back down into my jaw. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt.

A nurse comes over and asks me for my phone number. My clothes were cut off at the scene, so I have no ID. I give her my parents’ number, and then I give her the number for McDonald’s because I’m supposed to be working that night. She sort of scoffs at this and looks at me as if I’m crazy, which I kind of am. I was dead twenty minutes ago and now I’m worried about work, but that drive-through does not run well without me, and they’re going to have to get someone in.

Bless her heart. She makes the call.

As the doctors and nurses work on me, I notice that their expressions begin to change. I see it, because I am thinking the same thing they are: Where the hell are my parents?

I’ll find out later that when they heard I was in stable condition, they went to check the car out first. I won’t see them before surgery.

I’m waiting for a surgeon, because it’s December 23, and they’re hard to find. I’m waiting and waiting and waiting, and I’m feeling as alone as I’ve ever felt.

But I’m not alone, because when the nurse called McDonald’s to tell them about the accident, the manager on duty told my friends, and those friends started calling other friends. An old-fashioned phone tree begins, with friends calling friends calling friends, and the waiting room is now filling up with sixteen- and seventeen- and eighteen-year-old kids in ripped jeans and concert T-shirts, and one fourteen-year-old boy who is cooler than all of them. And my friend Bengi is the first one to arrive.

They can’t come into the emergency room to see me, because they’re not family, but when the nurses realize that my parents won’t be arriving in time, they roll my gurney to the other side of the emergency room, and they open a door. One by one, each of my friends stands in the doorway. And they wave. And they give me the thumbs-up. The boys say incredibly

inappropriate things to make me laugh, and the girls tell me that they love me, and I can hear them chanting my name as I am rolled into the operating room.

None of the presents ever make it into my friend’s hands. Bengi never gets his concert T-shirt and Coog never gets his comic books, and the betta fish is the only fatality in the accident that day.

But it turns out that Pat is wrong. You can give your friends surprise Christmas presents, because they give me the best one I’ve ever received. They give me family, and until I meet my wife fifteen years later, they are the only family that I have. And it turns out they’re the only family that I need.

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background-color: #000000!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after { top: 2px; box-sizing: border-box; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::after { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; position: absolute; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before { top: 0px!important; box-sizing: border-box!important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-control-label::before { position: absolute; top: 4px; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 16px; height: 16px; pointer-events: none; content: “”; background-color: #ffffff; border: #adb5bd solid 1px; border-radius: 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-control-label::after { position: absolute; top: 2px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::before, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::before { position: absolute; top: 4px; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 16px; height: 16px; pointer-events: none; content: “”; background-color: #ffffff; border: #adb5bd solid 1px; border-radius: 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after { position: absolute; top: 0px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { position: absolute; top: 0px!important; left: -1.5rem; display: block; width: 1rem; height: 1rem; content: “”; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-radio .custom-control-label::after { background: no-repeat 50%/50% 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedPermissions .ml-form-embedPermissionsOptionsCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-interestGroupsRow .ml-form-interestGroupsRowCheckbox .label-description::after, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description::after { background: no-repeat 50%/50% 50%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-control, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-control { position: relative; display: block; min-height: 1.5rem; padding-left: 1.5rem; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-input { position: absolute; z-index: -1; opacity: 0; box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-radio .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-checkbox .custom-control-label { color: #000000; font-size: 12px!important; font-family: ‘Open Sans’, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 0; position: relative; vertical-align: top; font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-fieldRow .custom-select, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow .custom-select { background-color: #ffffff !important; color: #333333 !important; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px !important; border-style: solid !important; border-width: 1px !important; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px !important; line-height: 20px !important; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; padding: 10px 28px 10px 12px !important; width: 100% !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; max-width: 100% !important; height: auto; display: inline-block; vertical-align: middle; background: url(‘https://assets.mlcdn.com/ml/images/default/dropdown.svg’) no-repeat right .75rem center/8px 10px; -webkit-appearance: none; -moz-appearance: none; appearance: none; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow { height: auto; width: 100%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal { width: 70%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-button-horizontal { width: 30%; float: left; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-button-horizontal.labelsOn { padding-top: 25px; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .horizontal-fields { box-sizing: border-box; float: left; padding-right: 10px; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow input { background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; border-color: #cccccc; border-radius: 4px; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0; margin-top: 0; padding: 10px 10px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; overflow-y: initial; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow button { background-color: #000000 !important; border-color: #000000; border-style: solid; border-width: 1px; border-radius: 4px; box-shadow: none; color: #ffffff !important; cursor: pointer; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif; font-size: 14px !important; font-weight: 700; line-height: 20px; margin: 0 !important; padding: 10px !important; width: 100%; height: auto; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-horizontalRow button:hover { background-color: #1F5014 !important; border-color: #1F5014 !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow input[type=”checkbox”] { box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0; position: absolute; z-index: -1; opacity: 0; margin-top: 5px; margin-left: -1.5rem; overflow: visible; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow .label-description { color: #000000; display: block; font-family: ‘Open Sans’, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; text-align: left; margin-bottom: 0; position: relative; vertical-align: top; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow label { font-weight: normal; margin: 0; padding: 0; position: relative; display: block; min-height: 24px; padding-left: 24px; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow label a { color: #000000; text-decoration: underline; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow label p { color: #000000 !important; font-family: ‘Open Sans’, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif !important; font-size: 12px !important; font-weight: normal !important; line-height: 18px !important; padding: 0 !important; margin: 0 5px 0 0 !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow label p:last-child { margin: 0; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit { margin: 0 0 20px 0; float: left; width: 100%; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit button { background-color: #000000 !important; border: none !important; border-radius: 4px !important; box-shadow: none !important; color: #ffffff !important; cursor: pointer; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif !important; font-size: 14px !important; font-weight: 700 !important; line-height: 21px !important; height: auto; padding: 10px !important; width: 100% !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit button.loading { display: none; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-embedSubmit button:hover { background-color: #1F5014 !important; } .ml-subscribe-close { width: 30px; height: 30px; background: url(‘https://assets.mlcdn.com/ml/images/default/modal_close.png’) no-repeat; background-size: 30px; cursor: pointer; margin-top: -10px; margin-right: -10px; position: absolute; top: 0; right: 0; } .ml-error input, .ml-error textarea, .ml-error select { border-color: red!important; } .ml-error .custom-checkbox-radio-list { border: 1px solid red !important; border-radius: 4px; padding: 10px; } .ml-error .label-description, .ml-error .label-description p, .ml-error .label-description p a, .ml-error label:first-child { color: #ff0000 !important; } #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow.ml-error .label-description p, #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-checkboxRow.ml-error .label-description p:first-letter { color: #ff0000 !important; } @media only screen and (max-width: 400px){ .ml-form-embedWrapper.embedDefault, .ml-form-embedWrapper.embedPopup { width: 100%!important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm { float: left!important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow { height: auto!important; width: 100%!important; float: left!important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal { width: 100%!important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal > div { padding-right: 0px!important; padding-bottom: 10px; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-button-horizontal { width: 100%!important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-button-horizontal.labelsOn { padding-top: 0px!important; } } .ml-mobileButton-horizontal { display: none; } #mlb2-14362371 .ml-mobileButton-horizontal button { background-color: #000000 !important; border-color: #000000 !important; border-style: solid !important; border-width: 1px !important; border-radius: 4px !important; box-shadow: none !important; color: #ffffff !important; cursor: pointer; font-family: ‘Lucida Sans Unicode’, ‘Lucida Grande’, sans-serif !important; font-size: 14px !important; font-weight: 700 !important; line-height: 20px !important; padding: 10px !important; width: 100% !important; } @media only screen and (max-width: 400px) { #mlb2-14362371.ml-form-embedContainer .ml-form-embedWrapper .ml-form-embedBody .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm { padding: 0 0 10px 0 !important; } .ml-hide-horizontal { display: none !important; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-button-horizontal { display: none!important; } .ml-mobileButton-horizontal { display: inline-block !important; margin-bottom: 20px;width:100%; } .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .ml-input-horizontal > div { padding-bottom: 0px !important; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 400px) { .ml-form-formContent.horozintalForm .ml-form-horizontalRow .horizontal-fields { margin-bottom: 10px !important; width: 100% !important; } }

function ml_webform_success_14362371() { var $ = ml_jQuery || jQuery; $(‘.ml-subscribe-form-14362371 .row-success’).show(); $(‘.ml-subscribe-form-14362371 .row-form’).hide(); } fetch(“https://assets.mailerlite.com/jsonp/918262/forms/119754241083442421/takel”)

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